Furniture + Flirting

Just a quick post to attempt to keep my blog alive before my internet line is disconnected by BT for the next 3 weeks (see previous blog entry "My New Flat" for the explanation).

On Saturday I went furniture hunting as my new flat is unfurnished. I already have a few items: table and chairs, computer desk, bookcases, chest of drawers etc, but did not have any of the main big items: bed, sofa, wardrobes.

I started at Greenwich Auctions and managed to tick off half the items on my list there. The auction house did not have any decent wardrobes (only really naff ancient dark wood ones, you know the sort you would expect to see in a 1960's boarding house) so later in the day I went to a furniture shop in Penge which sells new but inexpensive furniture and bought 2 x wardrobes (like many women I have a lot of clothes: being a previous yo yo dieter my wardrobe also ranges from size 22 to size 28.)

Flirt No.1

Whilst waiting at New Cross to change buses, a man tried to chat me up (well, I think he did, I'm never very good at working these things out, but I think he was trying to be chatty / flirty with me). I, of course, was taken totally by surprise as my head was so full of moving plans, furniture and other things. The man was quite a decent chap, a young-ish (approx mid 20s) handsome black man (although I have never had a particular thing for black men one way or the other).

Unfortunately I was very unimpressed by his opening gambit - asking me what was going on with the non-running buses. My view is that he probably already knew the answer (one of them was a rail replacement bus and the other was a trainee bus driver, therefore neither of those buses were available for the regular passengers waiting at the bus stop). He continued to witter on about the buses for a few minutes and then started asking me how I was, was I having a nice day etc. I'm afraid because he had so totally failed to impress me with his opening gambit about the buses, I walked away from him (how rude!) as I just was not in the mood.

Flirt No.2

Very minor -- whilst crossing the road shortly after that a white van man driver flashed his lights at me. Hardly major news but fairly rare in my life as a large woman, who more often than not elicits the "oi fatty" response from men, rather than the "hey sexy" kind of reaction.

Flirt No.3

When I got to Penge, I walked along the high street until reaching the furniture store, and passed some other shops on the way. I popped into one shop just to do something slightly more interesting than rigidly stick to my boring furniture list. Whilst in that shop I tried on a few sun hats - I had no intention of buying any of them, I think I was just looking to waste a few minutes of time. An older chap (late fifties or early sixties, possibly retired) came up to me and said "That would suit you, that would! Very pretty!"

Knock me down with a feather -- well if only he had been about 20 years younger it would have really made my day.

Unfortunately all 3 men who attempted to engage me in brief flirtations must have been very put off by my reactions, especially the last chap -- at the very moment he made his comment I had already decided I was not going to buy the hat, and was just about to put it back on the hat stand and leave the shop. The man's comment made no difference and I proceeded to do exactly that. I'm sure he must have thought I was a bit rude as well -- I didn't even say "thank you" for his compliment. He might have thought he had offended me and his presence was what caused me to abandon the hat and leave the shop, but that was not the case.

Oh dear.

Flirt practice needed, me thinks (one day). Also, it would be nice if one day the men doing the flirting could be somewhere nearer to my own age, and my own tastes. It is a small fillip to the soul every now and then that ANY man might be remotely interested than me, I would just prefer them to be (a) intelligent (asking stupid questions to which you already know the answer excludes you from this group) and (b) not a pensioner -- is that too much to ask?

Anyway, perhaps the day that happens I might be between 100 lbs to 150 lbs lighter than I am at the moment, and I know that is what I need to concentrate on (yadda yadda yadda).

ARMLESS UPDATE

Left arm improved after 3 days off sick (Wednesday to Friday) resting at home. Did start to ache a bit on Saturday after a very busy day, but it's definitely on the mend.

WEIGHT UPDATE

I have no idea what I weigh at the moment. On Monday and Tuesday last week I was so busy at work I never got round to visiting Boots to use their scales. Then from Wednesday I was off sick. I will check again after I have moved. I know that the Beckenham Spa Leisure Centure has a professional space age looking weight machine, so I will pop in there when I go to join and get all the timetables etc.

MOVING UPDATE

About to move in about one hour's time (what do you mean why am I online an hour before moving?) Of course I am taking every last opportunity to do so before my broadband is disabled (the flat is packed and I'm ready to roll as soon as the man and van arrives).

After that I will be limited to intermittent access via internet cafes, a few times during the week.

Addendum to Lewisham Hospital visit

I was debating whether to answer a few questions that people have left in the comments or whether to add this extra info onto the end of the original blog entry (but it then became really long) and then I realised that this addendum is almost a blog entry in its own right, so here goes.

==========================================

Addendum No.1 – the reason for my current predicament:

On Monday night I went to Sainsburys (as normal) and got a taxi back to my flat (as normal) but this time the driver was NOT willing to help me with my bags up to my 2nd floor flat (which is the first time one of the drivers has ever refused to help me).

I asked nicely and said that I would give him a good tip, but he was concerned about his car -- he said the last time he left it in a road to help a customer, kids put a brick through his window trying to pinch his sat nav. He has a point, but it is a very safe block in the private road where I currently live.

So I had to drag 1 x heavy handbag (over left shoulder), 1 x heavy rucksack (on my back) and 4 x heavy Sainsbury's carrier bags up 2 flights of stairs (actually 4 half flights) and 4 doors that I have to get through to get through the entrance and lobby area and on each stairway.

I am convinced it was that -- I was very annoyed that the driver would not help and knew I would have difficulty.

That is one of the main reasons I want to move to the ground floor flat in Beckenham: (1) it is right opposite a bus stop so I can bus to and from the Beckenham Sainsburys; and (2) being on the ground floor I will be able to just dump everything the minute I get through the front door.

==========================================

Addendum No. 2 – regarding the nurses:

I am aware that nurses have stressful jobs, long shifts and eat on the run from the vending machines (I saw some of them come and use the same vending machines as the patients and relatives waiting 3 hours or more in A+E).

However, what surprised me was that the number of obese staff was unusually high: I think I actually only saw one average weight nurse all evening. Whereas normally in life around 80% of people I meet elsewhere (work and socially) are normal (ish) weight and only the minority are obese – that is why it was so noticeable.

Two of the nurses were as big as me and one was bigger -- admittedly she was walking up and down the corridor, busy and active, but I know myself how unhealthy this weight is, which is why I was surprised.

One night at Lewisham Hospital

I have developed very painful left arm and shoulder. Have just spent most of this evening (Tuesday but it is now past midnight) at Lewisham Hospital hoping to be offered a cortisone injection without success. (My own doctor's surgery told me to go to A+E by the way: I would not normally do that.) In the end all they offered me was strong pain killers and told me to rest.

Am now typing this one handed (horribly slow).

Weird things seen and noticed at Lewisham Hospital while waiting 3.5 hours:

• very large number of overweight and obese nurses. The judgmental part of my brain wondered why their employers do not insist on them being at a healthy weight? I know that is wrong of me but when we (the obese) are chided for our poor health all the time, and given the message from our doctors and other health care professionals about how much we (and our weight related ailments) cost the NHS, you would think that employees of the NHS should lead by example and send out a positive message. However, the only message my brain was able to deduce from seeing so many obese NHS staff was "well, if they can't manage it, what hope is there for the rest of us?"
  
• one stroppy wheelchair bound man who suddenly found the ability to walk when he wanted to complain about how long he had been waiting.
  
• the drunks and pub fight crowd casualties who started arriving at about 10.30 pm, just when I finally got seen by a doctor. When I arrived at 7pm I thought that A+E was remarkably calm with less than 10 of us waiting at that time.
  
• a child with two mothers. Because I arrived at A+E without a book, newspaper or other reading material my only entertainment to pass the time was people watching. Eventually I came to the (totally unsubstantiated nosey parker) conclusion that one woman had possibly provided an egg to be implanted into the other and the child was calling both women "Mummy". The two women did not appear to be lesbian lovers; one of them was with her boyfriend.
  

Cannot believe I have managed to type this one handed but it may well be the last thing I blog for several days. I need to rest my arm for 3 days and hope that by the weekend I have regained enough movement in the left arm to be able to pack my flat!

My new flat

There are a lot of things I can't quite blog about at the moment, because I'm waiting to hear about X, Y or Z and the flat is (almost) one of them, but it is now about 99.9% definite I will be moving to a one bedroom ground floor garden flat in Beckenham on 18 August.

[Click on the pic to enlarge]

I will try to keep my blog up-to-date next week but after that it is going to be difficult. I just spent an hour speaking to British Telecom this morning to transfer my land line and broadband service from my current address to the new address, and it appears I will be without phone and internet for a while, for a number of stupid bureacratic reasons that I can't be arsed to go into detail about right now.

Although I will be moving into the new flat on 18 August, BT in their infinte wisdom are apparently unable to connect my new phone line until Tuesday 26 August.

THEN -- wait for this -- it gets better -- the broadband internet service will start another 9 days later (nine days? the world was created in less - allegedly!), which is apparently totally standard BT practice for anyone taking out a new phone line. (I put up with that when I moved into this flat, but I am now an existing customer just transferring my custom from one address to another but I have to go through the same rigmarole again on the new phone line at the new flat.)

Therefore, BT estimate that my broadband internet service will be re-connected at the new flat on Friday 5 September, some 3 weeks after I move !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And, guess what?

Out of all the brilliant facilities that Beckenham has, the one thing it does not have is an internet cafe! Beckenham is the kind of area which is just slightly too affluent to think that it needs internet cafes - the kind of area that believes all the yuppie professionals living with its environs have home computers and laptops at home - well that may actually be true, but sometimes the broadband providers of this world may rob us of those facilities for THREE weeks !!!!!!!

Beckenham falls within Kent, but is still part of greater London - it is sandwiched just west of Bromley and north of Croydon and to the east of Penge (London, SE20) and south of Catford (London, SE6).

[Click on the map to enlarge]

On the location map you can see that Clock House train station is directly opposite the leisure centre (which I am hoping to spend LOTS of time in -- it is all part of the plan and reason for moving!) and there is a cinema on the corner of the roundabout.

Along the high street there is:

** Sainsburys
** Abbey bank
** various hair salons, beauty salons, and tanning salons
** Boots
** Superdrug
** WHS
** Specsavers
** M&S Food Store
** various charity shops
** 2 newsagents / convenience stores
** One local recruitment agency
** Pizza Hut + Pizza Express + Kebab shop
** Proper restaurants as well
** Several pubs
** A few modern wine bars
** Several estate agents
** A few independent cafes and coffee shops
** An independent DIY shop
** Thomas Cook + a few other travel agents
** various other little local shops

The new flat is the first flat I will have ever lived in with a garden and I am so delighted about that.

A small blip + some stress

The weigh in news at Boots (the chemist's) scales on Monday morning was not good -- up a few pounds, but I don't want to change it on my side bar yet as what I want to concentrate on is getting it back down to where it was last week.

Two reasons (1) I pigged out slightly Friday night (and did not even enjoy it -- that's the last time I will be doing that!) and (2) I have been unable to get to the gym for several days, including no exercise at the weekend.

I am going through a bit of stress at the moment with my current flat not working out and being 5 miles away from the nearest leisure centre (which takes 2 x long bus journeys to get to). It's just about OK in the week, if I go straight after work, it makes no difference where I travel to on a train from work, but then I have the 1 hour (2 x bus rides) home and often a gap of at least 20 minutes for one of the buses (sometimes both).

At the weekend the situation is even worse as it takes an hour to travel from where I live to either of the decent nearest leisure centres (both of which have gyms, pools and aerobic studios) -- one is in Greenwich, the other is in Beckenham.

Many weekends I have set out with all good intentions to make the 3½ hour journey (1 hour there and back, plus 1 hour exercise, plus half an hour for changing and showering) to the gym AND also fit in whatever other weekend shopping and tasks I have to do, but it becomes too difficult time-wise to fit everything in.

I realise at this point some people would say "but you can exercise outside - just go for a walk" but I like going to the gym and particularly swimming.

I have decided to move for a number of reasons, but number 1 is to be closer to a high street with shops (e.g. a good supermarket with fresh food), facilities (bank, cinema and other shops) and a leisure centre. As I am, to all intents and purposes, a non-driver it makes life much easier if I live closer to a main high street.

STRESS: arranging all this and sorting out the finances!

At the moment, tentatively it looks as if I have a flat in Beckenham lined up to move to, but it won't all be confirmed until Friday (references and finance etc).

Should obese people settle for less ....? (aka all about my ex)

This post is all about my “ex”, who I already wrote about briefly in “Men & Rejection – Part 2”. There are two reasons for wanting to write about it in a bit more detail:

(1) The fact that I was wittering on about my ex to someone online recently (it doesn’t matter who, it just got me thinking about the ex again);

(2) The fact that my Dad and most of my family (who did unfortunately get to meet “Derek”) still ask to this day WHY we broke up – or, more to the point – why did I “Dump Derek” – how could I be so stupid? i.e. if Derek was the only man on the earth so far in life who has fallen madly in love with me, and seemed to want to be my partner and take care of me, how could I be so stupid as to end the relationship myself?

Well there are LOTS of reasons (lots of very good reasons) but as an obese person, who does get less attention from the opposite sex, why do our friends and family assume that we must be DESPERATE to be in a relationship and play the happy pairs game, and so DESPERATE that we will put up with second best, or third best, or an extremely bad relationship, just to be part of “a couple”?

Because, despite the fact that I have admitted in my own blog that love is pretty high on my list of important things in life, to be with the wrong person in a really bad relationship is worse than being single.

The rose tinted beginning

When I met Derek there were obviously some things that attracted me (although he was obese himself, I did like him in a kind of cuddly overgrown teddy bear kind of way). I also did like (initially) being in a relationship and the attention from Derek (for the first time in my life a man was more keen on me than I was on him and he pursued me – and it was *lovely* to be pursued and spoilt rotten with gifts and treats all the time – and to be loved and cherished).

However, this euphoria at being in a relationship, and having a man totally smitten with me did start to wear off after 5 or 6 months, by which time (a) I had become aware of his flaws (lots and lots of them unfortunately) and (b) he started talking about “serious” things like moving in together or getting married (and I knew by that time that I really did not want to go down that route; I was happy to continue dating – or, “stringing him along” as some people would say – but I knew I did not want to end up with Derek).

Since we split, I have *tried* to explain to my Dad why I ended it, but only in “vague” terms. You know how you don’t always want to tell your parents the *whole* story and spoil their opinion of someone who they thought was utterly charming and the perfect man, when they met them?

Well, sorry Dad, but here is the full story – one day I might actually get round to telling you in person. (Alternatively if this blog ever becomes successful and published as a book, I will be able to say “turn to page 165” to find out why I Dumped Derek !!!!)

The reasons why we split

When I decided to end it (and it was me) I came to the conclusion that the long list of faults with Derek and the relationship outweighed the benefits of staying with him. There are a number of reasons (but number 1 was the absolute crunch killer that I could not live with -- you know how 'minor' things you can live with but 'big' things you can't?).

1. Lying
He lied frequently and often. His lies were all 'white lies' and fictions (fantasies he invented about his life). He was very charming and for the first few months I did not realise some of the things he told me were not true. It took me a long time to twig, but when I did I then started to question things a bit further with him and instead of just admitting the truth to me when he had been found out, he always chose to make the situation worse by continuing to insist that his lie was TRUE and embellishing the lie even further.

Did you ever see David Gest (Liza Minelli's ex husband) on a UK TV programme called "I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here?"

Well, David Gest reminds me of Derek -- not good looking, but extremely charming and full of stories (the problem with Derek was after a while I could not work out which stories were true and which were false, and that is the problem when people start inventing things).

2. Fat Attitude
He was obese himself, like me, and whilst I did like/love him in a "cuddly teddy bear" sort of way, I knew then (as I know now) that being that size was not really good for either of us. I tried to encourage him for both of us to lose weight, but he was totally uninterested in that idea. Then I tried to get him to at least let me lose weight, but instead of being supportive, he tried to sabotage my attempts -- like he would drive me to and from a slimming class once a week, pick me up, and then take me out for a slap up meal to "celebrate"!

(I could have put up with this, although am not sure if I had somehow managed to succeed in losing weight, Derek might have become jealous and been insecure about other men finding me attractive -- I don't know whether that would have happened, as I didn't manage to lose weight while I was constantly being taken out for expensive meals!)

3. Hygiene and cleanliness
He was not very domesticated or clean in his own house. The few times I visited it, I threatened to get those TV people "How clean is your house?" round to sort him out. Again, I could have just about put up with that (sometimes a woman is willing to put up with a lot for the sake of love -- being loved -- and having someone to share life with).

4. Personal appearance

He didn’t care a great deal about his own appearance. On the one occasion when he met my family at some family gathering thing, I had to smarten him up, make him shave, and even polish his shoes for him because he “could not be bothered” – he didn’t think there was anything wrong with a crumpled suit, dusty shoes and five o’clock shadow .... now, although I was happy to accept the “scruffy” version of him in private, for me it’s important at a social gathering to “make an effort” / dress up / put on some make-up (for women / shave if you are a man) etc .... but he just did not have the same views or priorities in life.

I do wonder now whether I should have bothered – perhaps if I had introduced my Dad to the scruffy, unkempt, uncaring version of Derek, my Dad would have understood why I dumped him a few months later? Unfortunately my Dad and family got to see the “good” version of Derek, well dressed (due to my efforts) and on his best (public) behaviour – they thought he was *wonderful* and why was I so stupid to end it? (gggggggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr !!!!)

5. Sex
The sex was not very good. Because he was mega obese himself, he was also virtually impotent. He occasionally used viagra to get around this problem, but most of the time we pleasured each other in other ways and that was (almost) enough for me – having had such limited relationship experience, it was a REALLY wonderful feeling for me to feel loved / wanted / desired / cherished / cared for / etc etc.

(This is not something you tend to want to tell your own Dad when he asks why did you dump your ex!)

6. Intelligence
Although Derek was not thick, he was not quite as intelligent as me and I found it frustrating after about 6 months that he could not join me on the same level of conversation .... and that he did not have a real, full understanding of my writing / creative ambitions (as he had no ambitions in that direction himself).

I expect some of you may think that's quite a LONG list of problems with Derek -- but it really was the No.1 item (lying) that was the straw that broke the camel's back.

And here endeth my lecture on why “big” people should not feel that we have to “settle for less”, OK? !!

Of course, I am now hoping that next time I meet a man (and possibly I might be somewhat slimmer by then), although he may have a few flaws (no one is perfect obviously) that the list will be much shorter, and the list of common ground and LIKES much longer, and much less of a compromise "settling for less" will be involved.

Well I live in hope, obviously !!!

BP update + the opposite of obesity (anorexia)

Blood Pressure update

On 16 July when I last had my BP checked it was 175 over 112.

Today it is 163 over 102.

So hopefully if I continue with the healthy eating, moderate exercise and small food changes it will continue to come down during the next few weeks / months.

Next BP check: 19 August.


The opposite of obesity (anorexia)

I have recently found that someone who works in the firm where I work is suffering from anorexia. I don't know the person that well, but the biggest shock on hearing the news is that the person is not female and not young. It's an older chap in his 50s. Apparently, he has suffered for many years, and deals with his illness sometimes moderately well and sometimes not well at all (he is currently in hospital).

When I heard the news I admit that I did think the person concerned never looks like a well person. I had wondered sometimes if he was recovering from cancer or some other illness. I don't think it had ever occurred to me that a man of that kind of age might be anorexic.

This is the second time in my life I've met an anorexic, and both times nothing has ever been said between the anorexic and me (the obese person) about the ridiculousness of being at the opposite ends of the spectrum.

The first time I was in my 20s and the anorexic was a young woman in her 20s. What I noticed most about her very frail body was how hairy it was: obviously as she had deliberately stripped her body of all its natural fat stores, her body had developed another way of attempting to keep warm. The other problem she had was that her spine was very weak, almost too weak to support her and she used to wear a support harness and have regular visits to a physiotherapist.

When I encounter anorexics (who I know are unwell, and have problems of their own) it makes me feel awkward: you know - I don't know what to say ("get better?" - in what way is that going to help? or "why don't you have a bit more lunch?" - I'm sure they would not thank me for that) and also feel even more awkward about what I am eating, if I happen to be eating near to them.

Introducing my super slimmer friend Nicola

In the weird cyberspace world that we now live in, I have quite a lot of “friends” who I have never met (email mates and blog buddies) as well as people I used to know in real life and have met, but who have moved away and now only correspond with by e-mail.

About a year ago, I “met” (in the online sense of the word) Nicola through MySpace. Nicnack and I have also kept in touch via e-mail and Facebook and I have been incredibly impressed as every so often Nicola updates her status with her weight loss progress, including the one that bowled me over a few days ago: “Nicola has lost 8 stone and can’t quite believe it”.

On 4 June 2007 Nicola weighed 22 stone 5 lbs (313 lbs = 142 Kg).

After 60 weeks of consistent effort she has now lost 8 stone (112 lbs = 50.8 Kg).

Nicola now weighs 14 stone 5½ lbs (201.5 lbs = 91 Kg) and is aiming to lose another 33 lbs (15 Kgs) by December in order to reach her target weight of 12 stone (168 lbs = 76 Kg).

As you can tell, Nicola and I have very similar starting weights and similar goals, which is no doubt why we struck up the online friendship and found things in common with each other.

Nicola has only recently started her blogspot blog in order to help her stay focussed and motivated for the final hurdle, and I hope that some of you might like to visit Nic’s blog and offer her support and encouragement.

I think Nicola is fabulous and gorgeous already, as you will see from her progress pics, but I know she wants to lose the remaining 33 lbs and reach her own personal goals.

Best wishes, Nic!

We have lift off – 300 lbs and down from here on!

Weight on Friday 25 July: 304 lbs (21 st 10 lbs)

Weight on Mon 28th July: 300 lbs (21 st 6 lbs)

Now, I’m just a fickle female, so please don’t expect me to stick to the same weigh in day as I said previously (ha!). I do tend to always check my weight at Boots on a Monday morning, sometimes if it doesn’t register a loss on a Monday I re-check it later in the week.

However, I could not wait to blog today’s excitement on the scales any longer. Some of you might say the 4 lbs that has vanished is due to the end of TOM that I was going through last week, but I personally think my new healthy eating habits had a lot to do with it.

My new habits

I’ve torn up the diet rule book (every diet) and started to invent a new way of eating that suits me. The first thing this new food regime has to encompass is that I do not cook and it really does not suit me at the moment to change. Part of the reason convenience food has suited me for so long is because when I’m hungry, I’m hungry NOW and I tend to want instant gratification, not 45 minutes preparing and cooking.

The reason I previously always had cereal and milk for breakfast is because there was minimal preparation involved, but I have been aware for some time that most cereals contain a lot of salt and sugar.

However, the “healthy” option breakfasts of scrambled egg on wholewheat toast or poached egg on spinach, or boiled eggs, etc did not appeal to me because of the preparation time. (Please no comments slating me for being a lazy wotsit – I do not care – I simply cannot follow a diet plan that stipulates those kind of items knowing that I will never get around to cooking them.)

New food plan

Therefore – this is my new food regime (it’s currently still in the experimental stages, I’m trying different things out each week).

BREAKFAST: 4 oatcakes, or 2 slices of Rye bread, either plain or with a thin spread of low fat humous, and a cup of tea with a dash of milk

LUNCH: anything I like on the day (I don’t mean “anything” as in 5 bars of chocolate) I just mean any healthy choice hot or cold food available from the shops near where I work or where I am shopping (if out and about at the weekend).

The one thing I am trying to avoid is bread and too many carbohydrates.

EVENING MEAL: reduced fat humous and mixed vegetables – I buy a large mixed bag of veg (carrots, broccoli, cauliflower etc) and I have found that they are ALL delicious dipped into humous.

I have often bought cauliflower and broccoli before with the *intention* of cooking them as veggies for a proper hot meal with a protein option but as we know I hate cooking and I rarely get round to it, and the veggies end up going off, being wasted and not used. I have now found a way of eating veggies COLD (and not just salad veggies). Hoorah !!!

OTHER OPTIONS: mixed bean salad (green beans, kidney beans, borlotti beans, chickpeas, black eyed beans, haricot beans, mixed peppers and sweetcorn) – this is delicious with or without any accompanying protein

OTHER OPTIONS: mackerel and salad – mackerel is currently my favourite fish

SNACKS: oatcakes or rye bread, loads of fruit – mango, kiwi, grapes, apples, bananas, pineapple, all sorts, occasional fruit smoothies

OTHER SNACKS / OCCASIONAL BREAKFAST: mixed nuts, seeds and dried fruit (almonds, pecans, pine kernels, walnuts, hazelnuts, dried apricots, raisins, dates, cranberries, sunflower seeds, linseed, pumpkin seeds) – each mini snack pack has around 200 calories

So far the small amount of nuts is not causing any IBS problems, but as I’m not living on nut loaf and peanut butter and stodgy carb cereals and white bread sandwiches and biscuits and crisps (as I was some years ago when I was vegetarian) my body seems to be able to tolerate a small quantity of nuts at the moment.

The best thing I did

Leaving the Rosemary Conley diet club and the “diet” mentality behind. When I made that decision I made it for a number of reasons, one of which involved asking myself how do “slim” people eat and behave (that is naturally slim people who don’t appear to have a weight problem). Do they weigh in at a diet club every week and follow a 5% or less fat rule, and scrupulously record every item of food they eat in a diet journal?

No they do not. They eat moderately and listen to their bodies.**

**Admittedly listening to our bodies when we are obese is difficult, because often we have become totally out of synch with the natural hunger switch, but mine has just started to kick back in. Because of the changes I have made to the types of food I eat, I am no longer feeling ravenously hungry (nuts and oatcakes are very filling) and my body is starting to tell me again what kind of fuel and how much fuel it needs.

I wanted to find a food and exercise plan that I would be able to continue with, after reaching goal weight. Would I really want to be always weighing in at a weekly diet club in a year’s time? I decided that weighing (and even exercising) at a Rosemary Conley diet club for life was not what I wanted to do – it would always be a constant reminder of being on a “diet” or having been a fat person.

But do I want to build up a regular exercise schedule that I can continue to follow 12 months, or 18 months or 24 months from now? That’s what I decided to do.

The negative thinking that diet clubs can induce

Previously belonging to slimming classes often led to this kind of thinking in me – whenever there was a bank holiday or if I had missed a class – I would end up going through exactly what Lifeshouldbestereo recently wrote about:

Do you know what that does to my brain? Knowing I don’t have to be accountable and I won’t even be near a scale until Friday? NOT GOOD! Here I am thinking woohoo I have two weeks to make my loss. I can take it easy this weekend, I don’t have to be quite as strict and so on and so forth...

Revelation

Since quitting the Rosemary Conley classes I have realised this whole thing has to be for me, not for Ms Conley or winning some competition (the coveted Slimmer of the Year thing -- although as one comedian once pointed out it actually only means who was previously Fattest and Most Gluttonous of the Previous Year), and it's not for the self congratulatory pat on the back at a weekly diet club – it has to be for me, and it has to be for life.

And weigh ins can be whenever I like (I will never go down the route of weighing daily because for me I believe that way madness lies) but I can weigh on a Friday and again on a Monday if I feel like I have lost weight, which turned out to be the case this week (hoorah!).